Necrotongue

I decided to ignore minor flaws because the creators clearly tried to bring back what made the series great. The pre-battle negotiations and the battle itself were well-executed, and for the first time in a while, I was genuinely satisfied.

The episode wasn’t packed with frantic pace or amazing action. There was a lot of talking, but it was meaningful. Bjorn found a new bride, which was entertaining, and I learned how to properly castrate a reindeer. Plus, watching Floki try to establish a communist society was quite a sight.

The episode was full of unpleasant surprises. It started with a local sandstorm — by local, I mean it was confined to a tiny oasis while the surrounding area was bathed in sunlight. Floki gets to establish a religious community in Iceland, which I’m thrilled about (not). The peak of absurdity was Astrid randomly picking a messenger from the enemy camp to send to Lagertha, and he actually fulfills the mission. Brilliant move. And right on cue, Bjorn shows up again... Remembering how great Vikings used to be makes me sad.

I’m completely baffled by the story development again. How did Floki, the sly goat, make it from Iceland to Kattegat without any trouble? Oh right, the gods. I’ve never claimed to be a great military tactician, but even I wouldn’t come up with something as ridiculous as Ivar’s plan. I wonder if a renowned mathematician could calculate how many Vikings can squeeze through a narrow opening before someone chops off every head that pops out? Lame.

I was more entertained by what was happening in Norway, with fresh intrigue brewing in Kattegat and Vestfold. Bjorn’s storyline didn’t grab me at all, and I’m not sure if spreading the plot all over Europe and possibly beyond is a good move.

Yeah, I'm just not enjoying Vikings as much as I used to. The fight for York started off strong, and the traps were a nice touch, but then came Ivar's solo, the overly dramatic scenes with Alfred in "mortal danger," the annoying Bishop Heahmund, and Floki's festering journey. So, there’s that.

The creators really threw me for a loop with this one... I was completely baffled. The only part that made any sense was Floki’s voyage to nowhere, but even that was annoying. I couldn’t quite grasp what was happening in Kattegat. If Lagertha slept with Harald just for fun, fine, but if there was supposed to be a deeper meaning, it went over my head. Harald's escape from Kattegat was surely dramatic, but since those scenes might have been too nerve-wracking, the creators spared me from seeing them. And they deserve two stars for that.

The episode was packed with funerals (two) and farewells (four). But the real highlight was the demonic and cunning Ivar, who I find relatable because I could match his speed. Harald’s involvement hints at Lagertha getting back into the action. I was satisfied with the action scenes, especially in York, but I really can't warm up to Bishop Heahmund. I don't think I'll ever get used to his character.

As a long-time fan of the island monarchy, I didn't expect anything good from this event, because the traditions got a heavy blow with the arrival of the new Duchess of Sussex. Unfortunately, I had no idea what a disaster it would be for me. Europe already reminds me of a Moroccan market, but a royal wedding where a typical American reverend goes into ecstasy and a gospel choir sings, that was something else. The footage I watched was incredibly confusing, the backdrop reminded me of England, and the cast evoked a wedding ceremony in Nigeria. Yes, it is disrespectful and not sunny of me, but I don't like today's Europe anymore, and I am at least glad that I agree with John Cleese, who said that he no longer feels like he's in England in the center of London. But back to the broadcast, the British production worked, but some Czech comments really got to me: "Most of the invited guests are wearing beautiful robes." What was that? If I were blind, I could think that the rest arrived in overalls :-) In conclusion, I fully agree with Big Bear's comment, he spoke from the heart.

The Dark Secret really goes to show that less is more. The creators have obviously fired their best ammunition in the two previous seasons. There were only two episodes that I found worthwhile. I was sick and tired of the rest.